Unselfie Chapters 2 & 3 Discussion

Chapter 2: Empathetic Kids Have Moral Identities 

2nd EMPATHY HABIT: Developing an ethical code so children will adopt caring values that 
                                     guide their integrity and activity empathy to help others 
                                     Corresponds to pages 25 to 46 in Unselfie


1.  How have cultural values changed that might affect today’s children’s character? What factors are increasing narcissism? (pg 28). Do you see a rise in youth entitlement? If so, why?

2.  Our messages help “deposit prosocial images in our children’s identity banks so they can define themselves as caring, responsible people who value others’ thoughts and feelings” (pg 27). What kinds of daily actions can parents do to nurture positive Moral Identities in their children?

3.  Why do “two-thirds of adolescents rank their own personal happiness as more important than their goodness?” (pg 27). What are you doing to help your child recognize the value of caring?

4.  How can parents help their children find their “respectful voice” (pg 42) in a disrespectful world?

5.  How we praise helps kids define the type of people they believe themselves to be. Wrong praise can increase narcissism. How might you use the science-backed strategies (pg 33)?

6.  How do you think your child would describe your family’s values? What do you hope your child would say? How could you apply the steps to “Creating a Caring Family Mantra” (pg 38)?

7.  Page 42 asks: “If I were the only example my child had to learn Moral Identity, what did she learn today?” How can parents tune up their behavior to exemplify social responsibility and caring?

Chapter 3. Empathetic Kids Understand the Needs of Others

3rd EMPATHY HABIT: Instilling perspective taking so children can step into others’ shoes to 
                                     understand another’s feelings, thoughts and views 
                                     Corresponds to pages 47 to 72 in Unselfie

8.  Do you agree (pg 49): 'Children’s empathy is sparked by active face-to-face experiences-not lectures'? Can you recall a teacher’s lesson that helped you understand another’s perspective? If so, why was it memorable? How can you provide such authentic experiences for your child?

9.  Page 70 states: “It’s easier for children to empathize with people they know, or are similar to, so widen your child’s perspective by exposing him to people of different backgrounds.” How could you widen your children’s Social Hubs so they are more likely to empathize with people who are “different” or “not like them?” What are you doing to broaden your child’s empathy horizons?

10.   Science finds that discipline can stretch or shrink children’s perspective taking abilities (pg 50-60). Where on the ‘stretch or shrink’ spectrum would you say your discipline practices fall? Which practices do you believe parents should use to nurture empathy? Are they different from how you were raised? 

11.  Which age-by-age strategy would you consider using or adapting (pg 65-70) to expand your children’ perspective taking abilities? What other strategies might you consider?

Introduction and Chapter 1 Discussion Questions

Introduction

Please take a moment to introduce yourself... share what you feel comfortable sharing in this forum.  (i.e. your name, ages of your children, etc.  Please comment on one or more questions below, or on another person's comment.  

Introduction (of our book)

1. What about UnSelfie peaked your interest? What do you hope to gain from these discussions?

2. How would you answer: “What do children really need to be happy and successful in today’s world?” (pg xiii). Do you believe empathy is integral to children’s future success happiness and well-being? Despite science, why do many think empathy to be a soft skill?

3. Teens today are 40 percent less empathetic than thirty years ago. Have you seen a change in your child or his friends’ character and behavior that might indicate the Selfie Syndrome? (pg xiv).

4. UnSelfie describes several factors that contribute to the Empathy Deficit. Which cultural factors/parenting styles do you think affect kids’ empathy capacities? Which factors can parents really control?

5. Step into the shoes of today’s kids: What invisible and visible messages would you see about our our culture? Are they ones that would nurture an empathy and help to produce a generation of “Unselfies” or are more likely to exacerbate the Selfie Syndrome?

6. Which of the nine essential habits do you feel are most crucial for today’s 21st century kids? Which habits are you instilling in your child? Which might you be overlooking? (pg xix)

7. How could parents teach empathy habits in such a way that their children master them and no longer need our reminders? How might you network with other parents to cultivate children’s empathy?

8. What skills will our children need to succeed in the global economy when jobs of tomorrow don’t exist today? What should parents be doing to prepare kids for a world of rapid change?

9. How would you define an “Unselfie world?” What would an empathetic family, school, community, nation look and sound like? How do we create empathy in those teachable parent-child moments?

10. What behaviors would adults display in an empathetic culture? What often is your child seeing adults model courage, empathy and compassion? How often does your child see you model empathy?

11. What is your hope in cultivating empathy in your children?

Chapter 1. Empathetic Children Can Recognize Feelings

1st EMPATHY HABIT: Teaching emotional literacy to help children recognize and            
                                    understand the feelings and needs of others 
                                    Corresponds to pages 3 to 24 in Unselfie 

Emotional literacy is what motivates a child to care, and it all starts by tuning in to feelings. Identifying, understanding, and expressing emotions are the skills kids need to activate empathy. It turns out that kids schooled in feelings are smarter, nicer, happier and are resilient than children who are less literate in their Emotional ABCs (page 7), and it is a teachable habit.

12.  Common Sense Media finds that the average child is plugged into digital devices about nine hours a day. What impact does a digital devices have on kids’ empathy? How do you know if your family is  “too plugged in?”

 13.  What ways can parents reclaim conversation with children in a digital-driven world? Pages 18-20 lists ways to set digital limits. How are you setting limits? How do we help children develop healthy relationships with peers, especially when face-to-face contact is breaking down and the internet is meaner?

14.  One study found that 62 percent of kids said their parents were too plugged in (page 10). How would your kids describe your digital habits? How can parents set a better example for their kids?

15.  Why was Mary Gordon’s Roots of Empathy approach (page 3) successful in increasing children’s empathy? What are real, meaningful ways to help your child experience empathy?

16.  Mothers are more likely to discuss emotions with daughters than sons. What impact does it have on boys? Do you notice the tendency in your friends or yourself? What will you do to reduce the pink/blue emotion divide?

17.  Tuning in to feelings is an essential part of good parenting and lays the groundwork for developing close relationships with our kids. How could developing empathy enhance your relationship with your child? How can parents cultivate their empathy so they model empathy to their children?

18.  Emotional literacy is cited as a key to motivating kids to care. What ways can you can help your digital native understand feelings and tune into others (pg 20-24)?

this is a test

Please comment on this test here.