Chapter 2: Empathetic Kids Have Moral Identities
2nd EMPATHY HABIT: Developing an ethical code so children will adopt caring values that
guide their integrity and activity empathy to help others
Corresponds to pages 25 to 46 in Unselfie
1. How have cultural values changed that might affect today’s children’s character? What factors are increasing narcissism? (pg 28). Do you see a rise in youth entitlement? If so, why?
2. Our messages help “deposit prosocial images in our children’s identity banks so they can define themselves as caring, responsible people who value others’ thoughts and feelings” (pg 27). What kinds of daily actions can parents do to nurture positive Moral Identities in their children?
3. Why do “two-thirds of adolescents rank their own personal happiness as more important than their goodness?” (pg 27). What are you doing to help your child recognize the value of caring?
4. How can parents help their children find their “respectful voice” (pg 42) in a disrespectful world?
5. How we praise helps kids define the type of people they believe themselves to be. Wrong praise can increase narcissism. How might you use the science-backed strategies (pg 33)?
6. How do you think your child would describe your family’s values? What do you hope your child would say? How could you apply the steps to “Creating a Caring Family Mantra” (pg 38)?
7. Page 42 asks: “If I were the only example my child had to learn Moral Identity, what did she learn today?” How can parents tune up their behavior to exemplify social responsibility and caring?
Chapter 3. Empathetic Kids Understand the Needs of Others
understand another’s feelings, thoughts and views
Corresponds to pages 47 to 72 in Unselfie
8. Do you agree (pg 49): 'Children’s empathy is sparked by active face-to-face experiences-not lectures'? Can you recall a teacher’s lesson that helped you understand another’s perspective? If so, why was it memorable? How can you provide such authentic experiences for your child?
9. Page 70 states: “It’s easier for children to empathize with people they know, or are similar to, so widen your child’s perspective by exposing him to people of different backgrounds.” How could you widen your children’s Social Hubs so they are more likely to empathize with people who are “different” or “not like them?” What are you doing to broaden your child’s empathy horizons?
10. Science finds that discipline can stretch or shrink children’s perspective taking abilities (pg 50-60). Where on the ‘stretch or shrink’ spectrum would you say your discipline practices fall? Which practices do you believe parents should use to nurture empathy? Are they different from how you were raised?
11. Which age-by-age strategy would you consider using or adapting (pg 65-70) to expand your children’ perspective taking abilities? What other strategies might you consider?